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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23218888">mea culpa</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/tokyoterror/pseuds/tokyoterror'>tokyoterror</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Subarashiki Kono Sekai | The World Ends With You</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dreams and Nightmares, Ghosts of the Past - Freeform, Josh gets the shit beaten out of him, Post-Canon, Strangulation, TWEWY Spoilers, technically not joshneku but everything is heavily glazed with homoerotic undertones</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 10:56:03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,407</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23218888</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/tokyoterror/pseuds/tokyoterror</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Everyone has their own little internal world - a secret garden only they can enter. Each world follows its own internal logic - individuality. And the logic of one world means nothing in another. Understanding other people isn't hard..... it's impossible."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kiryu "Joshua" Yoshiya &amp; Sakuraba Neku, Kiryu "Joshua" Yoshiya/Sakuraba Neku</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>49</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. RELICUUM</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Sooo i wrote this a long ass time ago for an event but never finished the other chapters. but since quarantine hit i might as well ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ chapter 2 is almost done so expect that soon ;)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The works all gave off a vague sense of deja vu to him. Brushstrokes and color pallets igniting sparks of familiarity to him, but igniting no fires in his memory. Blue pupils scanned the canvases hung on the blank wall. They radiated no passion, no inspiration. Every color filling the canvas felt dead in him. It felt as though he was mindlessly wandering through a room filled with nothing but dry, wilted flowers. Drained of their color and vibrate energy, as a result of being thrown aside like a crumble of rubbish after they used up their resourcefulness. Regardless, he continued to sluggishly put one foot in front of the other. The soles of his shoes clicked against the hardwood floor beneath him. The footsteps echoed throughout the desolate halls, producing the only sound to be heard. Everything was unbearably plain to Neku. Why the hell is he even there to begin with? But then again, was there anything better to do? Not that it mattered, as when the teen looked around the room, he found no sign or notion of an exit. ‘That’s strange…’ Neku thought to himself. Usually, places like these were lined with fire exits. Yet, there were none to speak of. Unsettling? Most certainly. Regardless of how unnerving his circumstances were, there wasn't a clear solution for him. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Guess I only got one choice.’</span>
  </em>
  <span>  Neku sighed before walking into a hall that led the way into more empty rooms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next room Neku found himself in was nearly identical to the last. Just another plain room. Black metal benches sat in various places in the area, accompanied by thick white pillars. The bare walls lined with canvases, all having a small plaque to each one. At a quick glance, the paintings were just normal portraits in various styles, but at a second glance, Neku noticed an unsettling theme within the pieces. All the figures in the paintings used a distinct shade of tangerine paint for the hair. A cobalt blue had been used for the irises. The figure’s skin was painted to have a pale beige. The realization was seeping into Neku’s mind at that moment. He could feel his blood run cold, as though ice was beginning to course through his veins. Neku tried to rationalize, ‘Maybe it’s just a coincidence?’ He tried to comfort himself to no avail. The only question on his mind then was: “Why?” Neku hesitantly crept forward to one of the paintings. The brush strokes depicted the figure looking back at its lone watcher. It’s deep blue eyes gave the teen an almost knowing gaze, as if it knew who the lone watcher was. Next to the portrait, was a small white plaque. Neku’s eyes wandered over to it, expecting a title and a mind-numbingly dull and long blurb about the piece or whatever. But as his own eyes glanced over the text on the plaque, he wished what he saw before he was another unremarkable, long-winded paragraph. In large black letters the plaque read:</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>
    <em>Coward</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oil on canvas </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You are a coward. You know that, right? Couldn’t even bring yourself to pull the trigger when your whole world was at stake. You’re lucky you got a cop-out. Not that you deserved it.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The unnerved teen stared at the words, blinking rapidly, shaking his head, anything to make the words go away. It couldn’t really say that after all, could it? All his denial proved to be fruitless, the words remained in black letters. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Against his better judgment, Neku hastily ran over to another painting’s plaque. He paid no mind to the painting, as the text on the side was more important.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>
    <em>Jerk</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oil on canvas</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Do you remember what you used to be? Do you remember what you said to those who were trying to save you? You should remember. You only ever think about yourself, after all. Your selfishness almost resulted in the erasure of someone who saved you. But you did what you had to in order to survive, right? Or did a sick part of you want her dead?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘“No, No! NO!” Neku protested aloud. “No! No, I never wanted her dead! She’s my friend! I didn’t want to erase her!” Tears began to water in the corners of his eyes as he adamantly defended himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t want to hurt anyone! I...I thought she was bluffing!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Now you’re a liar, too? Heh, you’re no better than he is. </span>
  </em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A familiar voice interrupted his protest, the simple words sending sickening shivers down his spine. The voice imprinted an idea in his head that almost made him wretch in the spot. </span>
  <em>
    <span>No better than he is.</span>
  </em>
  <span> That...That can’t be true. He’s nothing like him! Right? Neku’s panicked mind frantically made comparisons in their actions… much to his dismay. Neku came up with one too many similarities. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No...No! No, I’m nothing like him! I was never like him!” Neku denied as he ran out of the room in a huff. He quickly followed the hallway that led to a set of stairs leading to a lower level. Without a second thought, the in-denial teen practically tripped down the stairs, taking two steps at a time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The stairs spiraled down and down and down. It continued on for some time. The white paint on the walls had now faded into a metallic black. The further down he went, the darker it got. Now he was actually tripping on the steps. Regardless, the teen persisted. On the way down, Neku pondered over what happened in the last room. The voice he heard was so familiar. He knew he’d heard it before, but was having difficulty pinpointing the owner. Come to think of it, where did all those paintings come from? It couldn’t have been a coincidence that all the paintings were of him. What even was this place? Was this purgatory? His own personal hell? So many questions, but alas, Neku could not find an answer to a single one.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After stumbling for the fifth or sixth time, Neku had found the bottom of the stairs. He was presented with a nearly empty room - a void almost. In the far distance, Neku spotted a long hallway of paintings side by side. At the end of the hall, there was what looked to be an enormous black curtain, flapping lightly in some kind of breeze. Seeing no other option, Neku sighed before making his way to the hallway. His first step against the black tile was then interrupted with the sounds of rustling and clashing beneath him. Looking down, Neku was greeted with a less than pleasant surprise: litter. There were crushed soda cans and fast-food wrappers scattered across the floor. “What the hell?” Neku cringed to himself as he kicked the trash out of the way to clear a path. A much more difficult task Neku would soon find. Kicking around the crushed soda cans and crumpled up wrappers felt like kicking against lifting weights. The teen nearly tripped over himself upon this discovery, a yell of astonishment leaving his throat. An even bigger “What the hell?” Regardless, Neku persisted as he trudged through the heap of garbage. As he continued, he found that the litter had risen to his knees. Neku didn’t care, though. He continued to march down the hall, paying no mind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After what felt like hours of lumbering through the odds and ends, the now exhausted teen found himself at the hall lined with paintings. He slowly pulled himself out of the garbage, pulling a crushed soda can or two with him. The cans clattered against the black tile floor, or what Neku assumed to be tile. While the sounds the heels of his feet made when clashing sounded like what one would assume tile to sound like. In the floor, no reflection of light from the overhead lights was to be seen. It looked as though there was no floor at all, in fact. ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Eerie,’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>Neku would think to himself. Whatever, this was no time to pay attention to the void floor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neku’s eyes drifted to one of the tall paintings that stretched up the walls, only to feel repulsed upon fully seeing the rather grotesque work before him. There was no paint on the canvas, no, it couldn’t be paint. Rather than acrylic or oil paint, the canvas was adorned in thick, dark, red blood. Suddenly, the thick stench of iron hit the teen’s sinuses like bricks. Against his better judgment, he looked to the panel that accompanied the work of horror. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>
    <em>WW91J3JlIHBhdGhldGljLCBOZWt1</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ymxvb2Qgb2YgYSBjb3dhcmQgb24gY2FudmFz</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>WW91IHJlYWxseSBhcmUuIEkgbXVzdCBhZG1pdCwgeW91IGRpZCBtYWtlIGFuIGFtYXppbmcgcHJveHkuIEJ1dCBJIGhhdmUgbm8gdXNlIGZvciB5b3UgYW55bW9yZS4gWW91IG11c3QgYmUgZGlzY2FyZGVkLCBvbmUgd2F5IG9yIGFub3RoZXIuIEl0IHdvdWxkIGhhdmUgYmVlbiBlYXNpZXIganVzdCB0byBsZXQgeW91IGJlIGVyYXNlZCBhdCB0aGUgZHVlbC4gQSBjb3dhcmQncyBkZWF0aCBpcyBmaXR0aW5nIGZvciB5b3UsIGFmdGVyIGFsbC4=”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘What...</span>
  <em>
    <span>what the hell!?’</span>
  </em>
  <span> Neku internally panicked as he stared at the gibberish on the glossy white pallet, trying to wrap his mind around the nonsense before him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was at that moment that Neku noticed the air was becoming hot and dense. It was slowly getting harder to breathe. The teen could swear he felt multiple pairs of hands wrapping themselves around his throat. Their grasp tightening slowly, clasping and crushing the boy’s throat. Neku quickly bolted towards the certain at the end of the hall, the soles of his shoes pounding in sync with his heart against the floor. As he ran, he attempted to gasp for air, only to be met with a pitiful squeak falling from his lips. Neku continued to bolt down the hall but the end continued to become farther and farther away. It felt as though he was running in place. The phantom hands started to tighten their grasp around his esophagus. Neku was hardly able to take in air at that point. The teen’s vision was becoming spotty and hazy as his head became rot with pulsating pain. Like a wounded animal, the boy let out a strangled cry for help. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“H...Help me! Somebody! Please help!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The gasping boy shut his eyes to blink away the small droplets of tears forming in his eyes. When his eyes reopened, the suffering boy suddenly found himself a few feet away from the curtain. Neku stumbled towards the thick, black veil and desperately clutched the fabric. Without a second to waste, he forcefully pulled the curtain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>To say the least,</span>
  <em>
    <span> the gasping teen was in no way prepared for what laid behind the veil.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>His deep blue eyes shot wide his sickening horror. His mouth hung agape in pure disgust. His body shook violently with dread and terror. Neku couldn’t scream, nor could he move. He just stood in complete shock at the large, cinematic painting before him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The painting depicted him. More specifically, the painting depicted him with a silver revolver clutched in his hands. His face showed determination, but his eyes showed confliction and fear. Parallel to the painted Neku, there stood another figure, holding out a pistol as well. The figure's face showed confidence and arrogance. Its lavender eyes emanated a strange, unreadable energy. It seemed to be a painting, but the detail in the folds of their clothes and swoosh of the figure’s ashen blond curls looked to accurate. It was practically a photo, which only made it more sickening to the teen. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In front of Neku was a glossy, plastic plaque. His frightened eyes drifted down to the words inscribed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>
    <em>Why don’t you hate me, Neku?</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Reality on canvas</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>V2h5LCBOZWt1PyBXaHkgZG9u4oCZdCB5b3UgaGF0ZSBtZT8gWW91IGtub3cgd2hhdCBJIGRpZCwgcmlnaHQ/IFlvdSBzaG91bGQgZGVzcGlzZSBtZSwgdGhlbiEgU3RvcCBwcmV0ZW5kaW5nLCBOZWt1ISBZb3UgY2FuIGp1c3Qgc2F5IGl0ISBTYXkgeW91IGhhdGUgbWUhIFNheSB5b3Ugd2FudCBtZSBkZWFkISBTYXkgeW91IHdpc2ggeW91IGtpbGxlZCBtZSBpbiB0aGUgZHVlbCEgU2F5IHlvdSB3aXNoIHdlIG5ldmVyIG1ldCEgU2F5IGl0ISBTYXkgdGhlIHRydXRoIQ==”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘Why don’t you hate me’ That phrase echoed in mind. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Why didn’t I hate him?’</span>
  </em>
  <span> Neku pondered to himself. By all means, he did have every right to. But...for one reason or another, he couldn’t bring himself to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Out of nowhere, Neku felt a strong surge of pain spike into his already throbbing brain. His eyes snapped closed as he gritted his teeth. The pain subsided a few seconds later. When it did, Neku fluttered his eyes open. Standing in the place of the plaque was the figure. His lavender eyes staring directly at the boy. Neku’s eyes went wide again at the sight of him. His throat was still a bit sore, but he forced himself to speak to his past partner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“J..Joshu-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neku couldn’t even finish his name before the other boy unexpectedly pushed him to the floor with force. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“J..Josh! What are yo-” Neku yelped before he was cut off once again by Joshua’s pale hands clamped around Neku’s neck. His thumbs pressed into the proxy’s adam's-apple as the rest of his fingers constricted around the flesh around his neck. Everything happened faster than Neku could process it. He stared up into Joshua’s eyes with a panicked gaze.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Josh! What the hell are you doing!?” Neku tried to speak but his compacted vocal cords prevented him from doing so. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The only sounds that could leave his mouth where strangulated gasps and pitiful yipes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Say it, Neku!” Joshua spoke forcefully. “Say you hate me.” His words being dull but heavy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With tears welling up in his eyes, Neku frantically shook his head in response. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop lying!” Joshua snapped at the teen underneath him, his grip tightening on his neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The orange-haired teen tried to protest that he wasn't lying. Neku’s hands then gaped at Joshua's forearms, trying to desperately pull his hands off so he could speak. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just say it! Say you hate me!” The ashy-blond teen snarled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neku shook his head in response, digging his fingernails into the other’s pale skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop it! Just stop it, Neku!” His grip tightened even more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The strangled teen’s vision was growing spotty, fading in and out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Say it Neku, say it! I know you hate me, just say it!” Joshua’s tone had grown in intensity, his face giving him a psychotic look. His teeth were gritted as his eyes pierced down at the nearly unconscious teen. Eventually, Neku’s hands went limp, falling to the floor lifelessly. Weakly, the boy looked up at the other teen before his vision went completely dark. Joshua’s words echoed in his mind as he fell from reality.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Say you hate me, Neku! </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Say it! </span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Stop lying to yourself and say it!</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I know you hate me Neku</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You can’t lie to me</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I know you</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I know you wish you killed me</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>V2h5IGRpZG4ndCB5b3UgcHVsbCB0aGUgdHJpZ2dlciwgTmVrdT8=</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>When Neku regained consciousness, he found himself in a stark white room. The walls were completely bare, as well as the floor. The teen’s body laid sideways on the ground, as if he was just tossed into the room. The boy’s eyes graced the room from wall to wall. There was a lone bed in front of him pushed against the wall. The room seemed to have no doors, making him question how he got here. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neku looked to the wall behind him as he stood up from his previous position. He was met with three paintings hung on the pale wall in a line. The leftmost painting depicted two figures in some alleyway. One of the figures had bright tangerine hair and was laying on the pavement while the other figure featured a pair of lavender eyes and a gun in his left hand. The gun was pointed directly at the other figure on the ground. The painting next to it was the same as the large painting he saw before he passed out, the same two figures now standing and pointing pistols at each other. The third canvas, however, was the strangest of all. The canvas did not contain a capture of a memory or a gruesome image. Instead, the canvas contained no paint, chalk, or graphite. Nothing, just a blank canvas. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A lot of potential, huh?” A voice broke the silence, catching Neku completely off guard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The teen spun around in a frenzy, only to be met with an old friend sitting on the edge of the bed. ‘He wasn’t there before? How the hell did he get there?’ The tangerine-haired boy thought to himself as he stared down his former partner. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s strange, really,” he continued as he slowly stood up and paced over to the other teen. “Look at it, Neku. It’s absolutely embryonic. Just imagine all the possibilities of what it could become…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jeez, pretentious much?” Neku sighed in exasperation. “You sound like a modern art critic. It’s just a blank canvas, for god’s sake.” The ashen blond gave a light chuckle in response. Neku didn't want to admit it, but deep down, a part of him loved that signature chuckle of his. Guess it grew in him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess you still haven't caught on, then,” Joshua replied in his usual snarky tone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Caught on? Caught on to what- Josh what the hell are you talking about!?” He stumbled over his own words as he was quickly losing patience. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought it would be easy to figure out, especially for you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Take a closer look, Neku.” Joshua interrupted him as he turned to look at the bare canvas that was hung on the wall. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neku followed his gaze to the plain piece in front of him. He narrowed his eyes at it, trying to find some sort of hidden message woven into the cotton and linen stretched across its wooden frame. Alas, he found nothing on the face of the canvas. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look closer, Neku.” The lavender-eyed teen called out, though his voice seemed to be more distant. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>An idea formed in Neku’s mind after the other’s heckle had reached his ears. The teen reached his boney hands out as he lifted the barren painting off the wall. His sapphic eyes grazed along the sides of the canvas, only to find they were as bare as the front. The fiery teen was quickly becoming frustrated at the riddle he was given. It didn’t make sense, there was nothing there! It was just an unused canvas! The front was completely bare, so were the sides! The back was just- </span>
  <em>
    <span>Wait, the back</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It had crossed the flustered teen’s mind that he had not checked the backside of the canvas. Without a moment of hesitation, he flipped the canvas around. The frame and underside were now exposed. Wedged in between the wooden frame and stretched cotton was a small folded scrap of paper. Neku hastily pulled the paper from its pinched position and fumbled with it while placing the canvas under his arm. His fingers rushed to unfold the note. Once the note was unraveled, Neku was presented with a written message. Ocean blue eyes quickly focused on the words, only for them to fill him with even more confusion. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>
    <em>Our future is waiting to be made with your hands and choices.</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Choose the future you want.</em>
  </b>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The future I want…? Joshua, what does that mean-”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come here, Neku,” the other teen interrupted with a stern tone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Composer had laid himself on top of the bed. His head was supported with silky pillows, while fine, pristine sheets rested beneath his thin frame. Without thinking, Neku stepped towards the resting teen. He didn’t do it himself, it was almost like he was trapped in a haze or his body went into auto-pilot. Once the teen had reached the side of the bed, he had begun to hazily climb onto the bed and Joshua as an extension. Before Neku could fully realize what he was doing, he found himself straddling his former partner beneath him. Neither of the teens responded. All they could do was stare at each other with unreadable expressions. After a few moments of the past partner staring up at his proxy, he let out a sigh. “Here, let me help,” He sighed calmly as he softly took hold of the other’s wrists and guided them to his neck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neku’s expression then morphed into a horrified one.</span>
  <em>
    <span> ‘No...I...I can’t do this.’ </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>His digits stayed frozen against Joshua’s porcelain skin. The teen couldn’t move at all, in fact. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go ahead, Neku. I’m not going to stop you,” Joshua said in an unsettling gentle tone. Almost like one would speak to a crying child.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neku didn’t respond or move in the slightest. He just sat in Joshua’s lap, his skin as white as the sheets and his eyes filled with horror and conflict.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is what you wanted, right? Revenge?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The orange-haired teen stayed dead still. Dark blue eyes still transfixed on his shaking hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re...shaking? Why?” Joshua noted with obvious confusion on his face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Neku, what’s going on with you? I thought this is what you wanted? This is the future you want, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neku remained silent. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought you would want me out of your life, or better yet, dead…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That last phrase shook the proxy from his petrified state. His face began to scrunch up in pain as tears began to well up in his eyes and stream down his pale cheeks. Joshua quickly noticed this and let out a quiet gasp. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Neku?”   </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Through gritted teeth and a quivering voice, the teen finally spoke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>
    <em>I...I can’t do it…</em>
  </b>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W...What?” Joshua recoiled in shock. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I can’t do it, Joshua...I...</span>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t want that future</span>
  </em>
  <span>!” As he sobbed, the shaking hands were retracted from the other’s neck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The crying teen buried his face in the Composer’s chest just under his chin. Shaking hands clutched at the dress shirt as salty tears patterned against the fabric. His thin frame shook with every sob and gasp for air. All the while, The other teen looked down at the breaking boy now crying his eyes out into his chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I...I don’t understand, Neku,” he sputtered out. “After everything that’s happened, you should...Why? Why did you pick this?”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to lose you…!”</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“But...But why!?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>
    <em>Because you’re my friend, you goddamn asshole!</em>
  </b>
  <span>” The sobbing teen cried out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua laid there, wide-eyed and awestruck by this confession. It didn’t make sense, after all. Joshua stayed silent for a few seconds before he asked his partner one final question. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Neku…” He stopped to take a breath. “Are you sure this is the future you want?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neku sat up, revealing red, puffy eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes…” He affirmed with quivering lips while nodding his head. “Yes, this is what I want…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua then smiled up at his former partner before sitting up and wrapping his lanky arms around him. They stayed embraced for a few more seconds before the Composer crept up to Neku’s ear, leaning in close. </span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“Then I think you know what you need to do next…” he cooed in a soft whisper. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just as Neku was about to ask what he meant by that, Joshua proceeded to use the side of his hand to gently brush back orange-colored bangs. Not a second later, much to Neku’s surprise, the other boy leaned into his forehead, letting a hot breath fan over it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sweet dreams, Neku. See you soon,” Joshua whispered against Neku’s forehead before delicately planting a soft kiss on it. Before Neku could react, everything started to fade to white...  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The hypnotizing chirping of songbirds and a rhythmic beeping filled the teen’s half-asleep head. He lazily fluttered his eyelids open, only to be met with a bright light shining into his retinas. He grimaced a little before dragging his forearm up in an attempt to block out some of the light. Neku attempted to reopen his eyes under the protecting shade. After a few moments, his vision finally came into focus. He removed his bandaged forearm, being mindful of the tubes that were connected to it. The teen's eyes were met with pale white sheets, sunlight bouncing off of it and illuminating the rest of the room. Neku glanced over to the source of the chirping to find his window wide open and the ivory curtains fluttering in the breeze. From his bed, he could see petite songbirds perched on the rich brown branches. They sang a calming melody, a part of Neku wanted to think their performance was for him. Even if it wasn’t, he didn’t really care. It was a beautiful song regardless. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A polite knock then softly echoed from the door to Neku’s right. He turned his head to the source.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Breakfast!” A sweet voice chirped from the other side. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘Already?’ Neku thought to himself but softly smiled nonetheless. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come in,” he responded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door slowly swung open, revealing a friendly and familiar face holding a tray in her dainty hands. She walked in, wearing a baby blue scrub dress, closing the door behind her with her foot. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Morning, Neki.” She smiled at Neku. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neki, that was her nickname for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Morning, Ms. Asami.” The teen smiled back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’d you sleep? Any nightmares tonight?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neku paused for a moment, collecting his thoughts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No...No nightmares this time.” He softly smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good!” she chirped in response. “I got a little surprise for you today.” A playful smirk played across her lips as she pulled up a chair next to Neku’s bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh? What’s the occasion?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I figured since you’ve been making so much progress on your recovery,I might as well treat you. But before we do that, we need to do the mandatory check-in stuff.” She sighed before grabbing the clipboard and pen that hung at the end of Neku’s bed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Let’s get started. This shouldn’t take too long.” She readied the board and clicked the pen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“On a scale from zero to ten, how would you rate your pain?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“One, I’m just a little sore.” Ms. Asumi nodded before writing on the paper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The nurse leaned over in her chair to glance at the beeping monitor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Eighty-five bpm…” She turned back to the clipboard and began writing again. “Good...good. Any migraines lately?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, not lately.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When was your last migraine?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About four or five days ago, I think, I can’t remember exactly.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright…” She scribbled on the paper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anything else you’d like to note?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No.” Neku shook his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, good, good.” Asumi flashed a smile before placing the clipboard on the bedside table “Now, time for your surprise.” She spoke as if she was speaking to a child or an ecstatic puppy. ”Ta-da! I picked this up before my shift started.” Ms. Asami then lifted the plastic try with a smug grin, revealing a blue cardboard box with a pale blue diamond on the top. </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘Is this what I think it is?’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>Neku thought to himself before opening the small container. His sinuses were hit with that oh-so-loved sent of fryer grease. His eyes were graced with five golden, crispy nuggets. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you so much. How’d you know?” Neku thanked as he pinched one of the nuggets between his fingers and quickly took a bite. He savored the taste he couldn't have for the past month. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I talked to your folks the other day. They told me you loved the nuggets they served down at that burger place over in Shibukyu.” The young woman brushed her mousy hair behind her ear as she spoke. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is so nice of you. You really didn’t have to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh hush, let me reward you. You’ve made a lot of progress in your recovery, after all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you...” A gentle smile graced his lips.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That’s when a thought manifested in his mind out of nowhere. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>You know what you need to do…’</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“H...hey, Ms. Asumi?”</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“Hm? What’s up, Neki?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you think I could have my phone for a little bit? I want to make an outside call.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course. You enjoy your breakfast while I go get that for you.” She grinned before exiting the room swiftly.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neku did just that, quietly munching on the crispy chicken nuggets and wondering in his own thoughts. He tried his best to recall his dream, only to remember snippets and pieces of it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did someone order a cellphone?” The nurse popped her head in, holding the violet flip-phone in her dainty hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She strutted over to Neku’s bed, holding the phone out for him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, thank you!” Neku politely smiled as he took the phone from the nurse.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re welcome, Neki. Anyway…” She looked back to the door for a brief moment as she grabbed the clipboard from the night stand. “I have to go run these charts by the doctors. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before the teen could say anything, Asumi was out the door, clipboard in hand. Once the door was shut, he flipped his phone open and powered it on. He watched the logo of the manufacture dazzle across the screen for a few short seconds. Not long after, the date and time were displayed over his home screen. No missed calls or messages, unsurprisingly. After all, anyone who wanted to talk to him knew what had happened to him a month ago. It was all over the news. The only notification that did show was dozens and dozens of spam emails, all advertisements or sales he probably didn’t care about.  He didn’t care to check. Instead, he tapped right to his contacts. He didn’t have to scroll far to find the profile he was looking for, as he didn’t have that many contacts. He did hope the list would become longer as time went on, but whatever, he’d cross that bridge when he got to it. He clicked on the profile titled “Mr. H” and went to send out an outgoing call. How his number stayed on his phone after the game was a mystery to him. Putting that thought on the shelf, Neku held the receiver to his ear. Monotone beeping dully played for a couple of seconds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘I hope he’s available..’ Neku worried to himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a little while, the droning beeping stopped. On the other end, Neku could hear a deep voice distantly clearing itself with an ‘mmphm’ before speaking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Phones?” The man on the other end asked with a tired and grungy tone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr. H? Is this a bad time?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no! Course not! I was hoping to hear back from you. How’s life? You outta the hospital yet?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hasn’t changed much since we last talked, and no, still in a wheelchair for the time being. They say I might be transitioned over to crutches if everything goes smoothly.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s good to hear Phones- well, not the hospital part, ‘course.” The man let out an awkward chuckle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The teen returned with a chuckle of his own. “Yeah, how about you? How’s the cafe?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“WildKat’s doing well. Not a ton of activity, but I guess I kinda like it what way. More beans for me!” He roared through the receiver.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s fair…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, Phones…” His voice drifted off slightly.     </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?”</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“Is there a reason you called...? Wait, let me rephrase. Have you given my offer any more thought?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neku paused for a moment, the words somewhat hesitant to leave him. After taking a deep breath, the teen responded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, and I’ve made my decision…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sanae was quiet on his end as he patiently waited for the other’s verdict. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...I accept.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Phones, are you sure? Last time we talked about it, you seemed a bit hostile towards him. Have you settled all that internally?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have and I’m ready now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Both parties were dead silent for a moment, processing and contemplating.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, I’ll tell him your choice.”</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“Wait, no!” The teen interjected.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm? What is it, Phones?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not sure how he’ll take it, after all…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I can see that now...hm? Shall we surprise him then?”</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“Yeah, I think that would be better.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’s the best place for you, Phones?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm...I know the hospital I’m staying at has a garden.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds like a perfect place.” Mr. H chuckled to himself, knowing he would particularly enjoy it, due to</span>
  <em>
    <span> his </span>
  </em>
  <span>newest hobby.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is nine tomorrow a good time for you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds perfect to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a date then?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s a date.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thank you so much. I’ll update you if anything happens.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t thank me, Phones. Thank yourself. See you tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, see you tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The call ended there with a ‘click’. A sense of relief and anxiety lingered in the air. Neku didn’t know what the future held for him, nor had any way of telling if he chooses the right future. What if he messed up already? What if it was all downhill from there for him? What if-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m back!” A cheerful voice rang out as Asumi entered the room, closing the door behind her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, hey…” Neku replied quietly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh? What’s wrong?” She pulled up a chair close to the bed. “Did something happen with your call?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, not exactly.” The teen sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Asumi looked at Neku with worried, inquisitive eyes. “Do you...wanna talk?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it’s kind of a long story...I guess. Have you ever made a decision that you thought would help better your future, but now you’re not sure what the outcome is going to be?” Neku looked down at his phone clutched in his left hand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm...Well, I’m not a therapist, but I can offer my own two cents if it helps any.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neku solemnly nodded his head, telling her to continue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anything helps.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The nurse pulled her chair closer and took a slow, deep breath.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You wanna know how I became a nurse, Neki?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The teen cocked a confused eyebrow at her. She only smiled at him in response before looking out the window, as if lost in thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Believe it or not, my family didn’t approve of my choice to pursue a career in the medical field. I grew up in a family of high-end cosmologists.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re from a family of makeup artists?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, not makeup artists. We didn't put on the makeup, we made it. Both my parents were successful cosmologists, just like their parents before them, and they wanted me and my sisters to follow in their footsteps.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have sisters?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yes, I was the youngest of three. But unlike my sisters, I didn’t want to go into cosmetics. My dream ever since I was little was to be a doctor.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Growing up must have been rough then.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Definitely. My mother repeatedly tried to get me to give up on my dream, saying I was born to do makeup and beauty school is way cheaper than med.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you hate her for trying to stop you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hate her? I resented her. That resentment only motivated me to study more and work harder than ever before. I graduated top of my class as a result. I even got accepted into a med school right out of high school.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened when told your folks you were going to a med school and not beauty school?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The day I was accepted into med school was the day my family kicked me out of the house. They said I would never make it as a doctor and when I decided to be a part of the family again, I could come back.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They just threw you out on the street? What about your tuition? Isn’t med school really expensive?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I had to pay my tuition out of my own pocket. Let me tell you, juggling work and study isn’t easy. I had to miss some lectures for work, I hardly made it to three years. I was planning on attending for six...but then…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Something happened?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Asumi solemnly nodded her head. “I found out that I was sick.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sick?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, really sick. I had been putting so much stress on myself over the years, my body couldn't take it anymore. I had no choice but to drop out of med school just to recover. My mother was right about one thing: med school isn't cheap. Not long after I was omitted, the student loans came, and so did the medical bills. To add insult to injury, I was fired from my job. Three years ago, I was a happy go-lucky eighteen year old, ready to take on the world. Now, I’m twenty one, stuck deep in debt with little to no income. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ms. Asumi...that sounds horrible, I’m so sorry” Neku tried to give his condolences the best he could.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was horrible. I would sometimes just lay on the floor and ask myself if I made the right career choice. That maybe I should’ve given up on being a doctor and just go back home to join the family business. Maybe I wasn’t cut out for the medical field. Maybe if I just went into cosmetology, I wouldn’t be at rock bottom. Maybe they were right…” Subtle droplets of tears started forming in the corners of her emerald eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But one day, a man told me something I’ll never forget.” She quickly wiped the tears away with the side of her palm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He told me to use what I had to get as close to my dream as I realistically could. That’s when it occurred to me, I had gotten enough medical education to become a nurse.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you could still go into your dream career!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep! As soon as I got home that day, I applied for any openings for a nurse I could find. And after days of waiting and waiting for call backs, I got hired at this hospital, where I’ve been working for three years now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So, even though everything didn’t go exactly as planned, in the end, I still achieved what I dreamed about doing: helping others recover. Even today, I can confidently say that I made the right choice in the long run, because even when I had the option to pursue makeup and have a couchy job for the rest of my life, I wouldn’t be happy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stayed in reflective silence before the nurse smiled to herself and looked back at the teen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess if you’re gonna take anything away from this, it should be that no matter what choice you make, everything will work out in the end. And if things aren’t looking too good, it’s not the end. Everything might not go as planned, but that doesn’t mean the world will end. Just another mountain you need to climb.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neku looked at Asumi in disbelief. He never knew she was so knowledgeable. Guess that was where her optimism came from. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow...I...Thank you…” Neku stuttered, not really knowing how to show how moved he was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t mention it. Sorry for dumping my life story on you.” She playfully giggled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, don’t be. You’re very inspiring.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You really think so?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Absolutely! Your story is really helpful, makes me feel a lot better about my choice now. Thank you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t mention it. Glad to help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, while you’re still here, do you think we can go to the garden tomorrow?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t see why not. Did you have a specific time in mind?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nine AM.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, I’ll set that up on your schedule as soon as I can.”    </span>
</p><p>
  <span> “Can I meet visitors in the garden?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t see why not. You calling up your folks?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, not family.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh? Then who? If you don’t mind me asking.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A friend…” Neku said with a hint of hesitation “Is that okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’ll just need to know their names first.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“His name is Yoshiya Kiryu, but he sometimes goes by ‘Joshua’. And he may be coming with an older man named Sanae Hanekoma.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Joshua...Strange name.” Asumi lightly chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, he’s a little weird…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I’ll be sure to tell the front staff about that as soon as I can.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, thank you again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anything for my favorite patient.” Asumi smiled at Neku as she went to the door. “I’ll be back in an hour or so for your therapy. See you soon, Neki.” She smiled again before exiting the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The now relieved teen relaxed into his bed, his head turned to gaze out the window once more. The sky was a brilliant shade of blue, decorated while puffy ivory clouds in small fluffs. A tree branch accompanied the sky. Vibrant jade leaves sprinkled with shined brightly dew drops rustled softly in the fresh, cool summer breeze. Today really was a beautiful day.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>May tomorrow be wonderful too.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. VERUM</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The air was filled with the flower’s fragrance and pollen. The overwhelming scents quickly filled the blond’s sinuses as he walked through rows upon rows of assorted flowers and shrubs. His legs walked down the pebble path. To where? Joshua had no clue. He just kept on walking down the path. Despite appearing to be surrounded by thriving life, he felt as though he was engulfed by a void. He felt no life around him- not a spark. Nevertheless, he continued down the path. Gazing up, he noticed what looked to be some sort of rotunda made up of greenery in the distance. Seeing no better option, the teen walked to his newfound location. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he arrived, the ashen blond was presented with a set of two pearly chairs made up of dainty swirls and designs and a small, circular table of the same nature. Upon the tables rested what looked to be a letter of sorts. Joshua approached the table. On closer inspection, it was in fact a letter with a wax red stamp pressed into the center as a seal. Next to the letter was a petite silver letter opener with a deep red handle with gold accents. Joshua picked both the letter and its accompanying opener. He ran the steel blade smoothly across the crease, disconnecting the melted wax from the envelope. Without wasting a second, the teen’s fingers dug into the envelope, pinching the folded letter in between them. The letter was quickly unfolded, a message written in black ink was soon revealed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dear Composer,</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Do you know who you are? Do you know what you are? What you did? Are you aware of the damage you've caused?</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Or are you just that self-centered?</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It’s time for your punishment, one suitable for someone of your heinous crimes. We’re going to play a game. There are three assorted items hidden around the area. Find the other two to earn a chance at redemption. We’ll see if you're worthy.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Here’s your first clue</span>
  </em>
  <span>: </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua stared at the letter with wide, aghast eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who...Who wrote this?” the teen sputtered out loud, his stomach sinking like a stone. “Other five? Where’s the first-” Joshua’s eyes glanced up from the paper, only to find an object on the tabletop. An object that certainly was not there before. In front of him was a distinct blue megaphone with a black stripe around the end and a white wrist strap. He’d seen that megaphone before. He couldn’t forget it, even if he wanted to. A shaking hand reached out to obtain the item. As soon as his hand made contact with the plastic, his vision suddenly went dark as his head filled with a shot of intense pain. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>“aGUncyBkZWFkIGJlY2F1c2Ugb2YgeW91CmFuZCBoZSdzIG5vdCB0aGUgb25seSBvbmU=</em>
  </b>
  <b>”</b>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua clutched his throbbing head, wincing at the rush of pain. Only a second later, his vision returned to him as the headache subsided. A shiver trailed up the teen’s spine, the air became a touch chilled at that moment. The megaphone was gone now, much to his confusion. To the Composer’s left, a path had appeared. Looking down the path from where he stood, all he could see was a tunnel of arches made of vines and shrubs. The way he came, he found, vanished. Feeling a bit hopeless, he saw no option but to participate in this wild goose chase. Reluctantly, Joshua strolled through and down the leafy archway.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a while of walking monotonously, the teen had finally reached the end of the path. On the other end, Joshua was met with tall walls of neatly trimmed greenery. The walls twisted and turned, being separated by arches and abruptly cut walls. ‘Great, a maze,’ Joshua sighed internally. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nevertheless, The blond trudged towards one of the paths. He wandered down the winding walls of shrubs aimlessly. As he did so, he pondered over the clue he was given. Something about a tree was the only part he could recall in the moment. Unfortunately, the shrubs were grown so tall that he couldn’t look over them. Seeing no other option, the teen navigated through the maze. Joshua continued to trudge through the sharp turns of the walls for what felt like forever, but when he was about to turn another identical corner, he was presented with his goal. There, in the clearing, was a tall-standing apple tree. Its roots weaved in and out of the soil as fallen apples had littered the base of the trunk. Nestled in between one of the rich, earthy colored roots was a more peculiar item. Joshua sauntered over to it. Upon closer inspection, the item could be identified as a steely grey pistol. The Composer’s blood ran cold at the sight. </span>
  <em>
    <span>That was his pistol</span>
  </em>
  <span>. A queasy and dreadful feeling filled him as he reached out to grasp the revolver with trembling fingers. The moment he made contact, everything went dark and the same sharp pain shot through his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>WW91J3ZlIHRha2VuIHNvIG1hbnkgbGl2ZXMgd2l0aCB0aGlzLCBpbmNsdWRpbmcgeW91ciBvd24uI</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <span>The pain lingered for longer this time around. Luckily, it subsided after seven or so seconds. When the teen’s vision returned, the haunting pistol had vanished. A chilled breeze hit his body at full force. Looking up, Joshua found the once vibrant blue sky was now replaced with a sheet of murky grey clouds. The temperature had dropped drastically and notably. A wave of shivers shot up his thin frame as sigh left his body. The hot breath took form as a petite cloud of white respired air. Admittedly, Joshua was taken aback from the sudden decrease in temperature. Oh well, nothing he could do about it now, still was strange though. In the pistol’s place was a folded piece of parchment. ‘A clue?’ he thought as he pinched it in between his fingers. Unfolding it revealed just as he predicted. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>‘Congratulations, you monster, you’re almost there.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You’re sure to love the next item, consider it a momento of your sins.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>We’re not done yet, however. You still haven’t been properly punished and we are far from done.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>If anyone sins and does what is forbidden in any of the Lord’s commands, even though they do not know it, they are guilty and will be held responsible.’</span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>The teen felt the dread grow inside of him as the winds grew colder and harsher. But seeing no other option, Joshua pressed on.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Josh wandered through the maze without any semblance of direction. As he did so, he couldn’t help but notice that the shrubbery surrounding him was beginning to decay. Lush green leaves turned to a withered colleague of brittle branches. The shivering teen continued to trudge on unphased. Without warning, faint snowflakes began to fall from the grey clouds. At that moment, Joshua looked up only to become extremely more confused and baffled, if that was even possible at the moment. He swore up and down that he was here before. He was just here a few minutes ago, right? Didn’t it feel more like hours? What...What time is it?  The snow began to pick up around the teen. Joshua forced himself to carry on. As he did so, the gently falling snow had advanced around him. The light snowstorm had suddenly become a full-blown blizzard within the blink of an eye. The harsh fringed winds beat against his exposed arms and upper chest. The feeling in his fingertips was beginning to fade along with his consciousness. During one step, his body gave way. His knees buckled, causing him to fall forward, collapsing into the snow. The land and objects in front of him had become a blur of white. Alone and freezing, Joshua became increasingly desperate. With a faltering voice and cracked lips, he whispered a desperate plea. “H...Help...Somebody…! Please help!” He cried to the best of his abilities. His voice was nearly muted over the howling winds. Surely, no one will hear him. But much to his joy, Joshua could make out a silhouette of a figure slowly approaching him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So now you're begging for mercy?</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <em>
    <span>You goddamn hypocrite</span>
  </em>
  <span>…”    </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua looked towards the harsh voice. His vision fading in and out, he could hardly identify the figure. Through blurred eyes, he could make out wild orange locks and violet clothing tightly wrapped around a slender figure. ‘It...It’s him!’ Josh thought as he couldn't speak the words. The figure approached him, the teen did the same. Just as Josh opened his mouth to speak, his face was met with a forceful fist. Now on his back in the snow, he looked to his old partner with a bewildered look. While he couldn’t make out any of the figure’s facial features, those vibrant locks made him easy to pick out. His face stung with a burning pain, the snow did little to ease it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pathetic…” the other teen growled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The voice matched his as well. The partner calmly sat down on his chest, his weight compressing the Composer’s chest. Another set of knuckles swung at Josh. A sickening crack could be heard before a warm substance started to drip from the Composer’s nose. Another, the agony seeped through his system. Another, Joshua’s face burned with agony. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re so goddamn pathetic. You’re barely putting up a fight.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The partner pressed his fists together before raising them above his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I HATE YOU!” he cried with such venom coursing through his voice as he violently brought his fists down onto the Composer’s chest. He could physically feel his fragile body being smashed. A harsh cough left his body along with a piece of him.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you in pain?” the other teen asked in a condescending tone, Joshua could only let out a raspy gargle of sounds. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You should be thankful, at least I haven’t killed you yet...” The proxy watched his former master wither in pain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s a right you robbed me of, remember?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With blood-covered knuckles, the other teen grabbed hold of the Composer’s stained satin shirt, pulling him up to his eye-level. </span>
</p><p><em><span>“REMEMBER?! BECAUSE I WISH I COULD FORGET!” </span></em><span>he screamed in his face. Joshua’s head rolled back, allowing him a look at the now crimson-colored snow</span> <span>as his eyes nearly rolled to the back of his head. Barely mustering the strength, the teen looked to his assailant. He had something clutched in his hand. It was large and rough. A rock?</span></p><p>
  <span>“I’ll take what you took from me.” The proxy raised the rock above his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘This is it…’ Joshua thought to himself. ‘This is my punishment…’</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on! Aren’t you going to fight back!?” Josh didn’t respond.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I could snuff out your life right now! Don’t you have anything to say in your defense!?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“...ah…” Josh croaked weakly. His voice was so damaged, he could barely form the sounds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” the figure snapped. “Spit it out already!” He gave the shirt a tug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>D...Do it…</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What..?” The proxy was taken aback.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just do it…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Silence was placed between the two. Joshua let his head fall back and closed his eyes, waiting for his punishment. The proxy drew back his hand, raising it far above his head. He stared down at his cattle with a hit of remorse coursing through him. He continued to evaluate the helpless teen beneath him, seeing him take his punishment so willingly. For some unknown reason, the stone could not be forced down onto the Composer. Every time the rock was beginning to make its descent, it would be drawn back. The battered teen peeked an eye open, wondering what was taking so long. Just as he did, he watched as the other teen threw the stone across the garden in a seeming fit of irritation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What…?” Joshua weakly whispered.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It would be better to just let you suffer… Killing you would be too merciful,” the proxy bruted as he reached a hand to his former master’s face. The side of his hand met his bloodied brow. He rested the remainder of his hand on the other’s eyelids.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t ever forget…” His fingers gently guided the Composer’s eyelids shut, his consciousness fading with the next few words echoing in his mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I’ll never stop hating you...</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A sweet fragrance filled Joshua's senses as he slowly awoke. He laid sprawled out half off the bed, his sheets and covers thrashed about. Huffing out a sigh, Josh slumped out of bed and onto the floor. Still feeling groggy, he forced himself to stand and attend to his newfound responsibilities. At least, that’s what Sanae called them. In reality, they were more akin to ‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>atonements</span>
  </em>
  <span>’. Joshua had trudged over to one of the large pots near the window that matched its size. A thick stem, with wide leaves had resided inside the pot. Josh took his finger to feel the soil. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>‘</span>
  <em>
    <span>Dry… Is it watering day already?</span>
  </em>
  <span>’ he thought to himself. Joshua then walked past shelves of assorted plants and flowers to the metal watering can which reside near the door. Grabbing it, he trotted down the hall towards the kitchen. The faint sound of sizzling grease lightly popping echoed from behind the rolling door. Joshua pushed it aside to reveal his roommate hunched over a hot stove shuffling strips of bacon across a pan. The man looked to the teen with a somewhat astonished look. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re up early. Usually, I wouldn't expect to see you up till after noon,” Sanae teased as the bacon sizzled on the heated pan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just need to get water. I’m going back to bed after that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aw, look at you, being such a responsible plant daddy.” He reached out and lightly fluffed Joshua’s bed head tenderly.  “You want some breakfast?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not hungry…” Joshua grumbled as he lightly pushed Sanae’s arm away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Heh, suit yourself,” he obliged before continuing. “I’ll take it you’re still having those nightmares?” He questioned, noting the dark circles under his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yep,” Joshua sighed out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How long has it been now? ‘Bout a month or so?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Two months tomorrow,” he responded curtly as he started to fill the can with water from the tap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really? That long? Feels like it was yesterday,” Sanae rambled off to himself. Joshua stayed silent. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Say, Josh.” He gave an inquisitive ‘hmm’ in response, his focus remaining on the task at hand. “Do you ever...y’know...think about him?” Something in the atmosphere snapped with Sanae’s last word. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Every day,” Joshua responded lowly. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>I think about him every day.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know but, well, you know he’s out there-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I overheard the call,” Josh interrupted sternly. “I heard everything...He hates me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hang on, Josh. That was a while back. People change, you know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sanae, could you forgive someone like me?</span>
  <em>
    <span> A murderer?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” The Composer’s words lingered in the air like a foul stench. Like the smell of rotting corpses hidden beneath floorboards, giving a glimpse at the mess that Joshua was trying his hardest to conceal within himself. He had become so distracted that the can was now overflowing. Realizing this, Joshua turned off the tap. “Just forget what I said.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As soon as the words left his mouth, the soft vibrating of Sanae’s phone on the counter could be heard. Joshua hulled the watering can out of the sink and quickly rushed out of the kitchen and towards his bedroom. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He quickly closed the door behind him, feeling his chest clench within his loose-fitting shirt that began to feel tighter with every passing moment. ‘Whatever, don’t think about that. Let’s just finish what we started,’ Joshua said to himself as he tried to calm himself down. Sprinkling fresh water droplets on the dry soil, his mind reluctantly wandered to him. The idea of him, the memories of him, everything. He can never see him again, even if he wanted to. Joshua knew that. Neku was his own person, he has the right to make his own decisions. And if his decision is to hate Joshua for the rest of his days, so be it. Despite his seemingly indifferent disposition, he’d be lying if this didn’t eat away at him. He missed talking to him, and admittedly, he had interesting ideas. Ironic really, the person who he thought empathized the most with him ended up opposing him the most. But one question remained on his mind: why didn’t he do it? Why didn’t he shoot? Shibuya was on the line, after all. To Neku, everything was on the line. Yet, he gave it all up. Why? Was he that opposed to shooting someone? Even if that person was his murderer? </span>
  <em>
    <span>Or...was it something else? Something Joshua couldn’t quite define with simple words, a feeling, an emotion. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Compassion? Human condition? It’s illogical, and yet, he still did it. Maybe that’s why the Composer changed his mind. Maybe that’s why he’s started to breed life, whether that be back into him or into the tamed greenery that thrived in his room. But seeing him again? Maybe things are just better off this way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua went from pot to pot, watering each plant that needed it. Just as he finished, a soft knock echoed from the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Josh? Can I talk to you for a second?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua hesitated for a moment before reluctantly responding: “Come in…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door softly drifted open, revealing a slightly groggy, scruffy man holding two mugs with light steam escaping from the contents. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What did you want to talk about?” Joshua shrugged before going back to taking care of his babies. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are...uh…” His words had a lingering sense of hesitation, Josh glanced at him with an inquisitive look. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You doing anything tomorrow?” he asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Am I doing anything ever?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thought I might as well ask….” the man muttered to himself. “Anyway, there’s somewhere we need to go tomorrow.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm?” Joshua responded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hospital. Friend of mine got into an accident and I want to visit him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was the first time he’s heard of this </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘friend.’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>“Why do I have to go?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“God forbid you get some fresh air,” he teased. “You’ll like it. They have a community garden. I saw pictures of it, and it looks pretty amazing…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The teen’s eyes looked around the floor, questioning what it all was, really. “Fine… Guess I don’t have a choice anyway, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly, 9 tomorrow, be ready by 8:30.” Sanae smiled as he set one of the mugs down on the table before softly shutting the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua looked out the window and out into the already bustling street. He watched at businessmen and women weaved around each other as if in an automated daze. To think, just to think this could have been erased. Looking at them now, he couldn’t help but imagine the details of their personal lives. Their families, their homes, the events that led up to creating the person that they are now. A deep pit formed in his stomach as a part of him longed to see a familiar face among the crowd. His mind entertained the idea of catching a glimpse of a deep violet headset entangled in fiery orange locks. He longed just to look at him, regardless of where he was. On the street or in his bedroom. Admittedly, a sick part of him liked to see him in his dreams. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>
    <em>He should be thankful</em>
  </span>
</p><p>
  <span><em>At least his psyche would let him forget his face.</em>  </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. AMICA</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Come on, Josh,” Sane beckoned the sleep-deprived teen to the front door. Joshua stumbled sluggishly towards the door wearing a collared shirt layered with a grey sweater. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re gonna be late. Let’s get a move on,” he continued as he headed out the door, dragging the Composer behind him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Late?” Josh raised his eyebrows in suspicion.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I only have a small amount of time for visitation, and if you don’t hurry up, we’re going to miss it.” Sanae was only half lying, but he couldn’t let Josh know that. Not yet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua remained a bit off-put by the man, but saw no other option than heading to the car. Each male crawled into their respective seats in the car. The Composer let out a small huff as he finished fastening his seatbelt, already wanting to go back to his room. “Thanks for coming with me. I know it’s the last thing you’d want to do,” Sanae sighed as he started the car. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be so dramatic, I’m just going out to the hospital.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is the first time you’ve left the apartment in weeks.” Josh didn’t have a witty retort for that, so he remained silent. “Although… I guess I can’t blame you…” Sanae muttered to himself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The topic seemed as if it was dropped while it hung heavy in the air, like the tacky air freshener that hung on the mirror. It was from some cartoon or anime that was popular a while back. Its smell had long worn off. Now it dangled almost lifelessly, almost like a hanged corpse. Once full of life, now devoid of it. There isn’t a way to revive it nor will there ever be.</span>
  <em>
    
  </em>
  
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Joshua’s eyes traced the power lines rising and falling with a light rhythm to it. It was somewhat entertaining to the teen - much more entertaining than the phone that rested on his lap. Sanae would occasionally slip an empathetic glance, knowing the real reason for their destination. A heavy sigh left his lips as he saw the hospital come into view. “We’re nearly there,” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>he spoke, trying to hide his dread. After all, he didn’t know how Josh would react to all this. This whole plan could completely backfire, what would happen if that happened? Was it worth the risk?  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You seem nervous,” Joshua commented, still gazing out the window. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hospital’s an uneasy place to be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then why’d you wanna go?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it a crime to want to see an old friend? Plus, you could stand to get some fresh air.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You could have taken me out shopping or to the park if that’s the case. Why the hospital?” Joshua questioned. “Who even is this friend? What’s his name?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nosy aren’t we?” Sanae quickly brushed off the question. It wasn’t his place to spoil the surprise; it was his choice, after all. “Anyway, we’re here,” he said as he pulled the car into the parking lot. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The teen was about to retort but decided it wasn’t worth the headache of an argument. He crawled out of the car and followed the man into the white building, unknowing of what awaited him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sapphire-eyed teen sat in his bed, watching the birds flutter from branch to branch. His eyes drifted to the bedside clock. 8:25 AM. A sense of excitement built up inside him, and he couldn’t sit idly in his bed. “This is it…” the teen thought to himself. “He’s downstairs waiting for me.” As he waited in his bed for the nurse, question after question flooded the teen’s mind. “Oh god, what am I even going to say to him? Why am I just now thinking about this? Maybe I should cancel? No, no way, there's no way I can just cancel now. Maybe I could call in sick or something?” Neku’s thoughts continued to spiral downwards into his anxiety until his eyes drifted to his bedside drawer.</span>
  <em>
    <span> That’s when it hit him</span>
  </em>
  <span>. From the day Neku woke up from the Game and had gained back control of the nerves and joints in his hands, he would write letters. And almost every letter was addressed to </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Sure, he wrote letters to Shiki, Beat, Rhyme and the others, but often he would find himself writing to the Composer. He never sent them, of course. After all, where would he send them? The sewers? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The teen prodded open the drawer that was nearly forgotten with his dainty fingers, revealing a somewhat full drawer of papers. Neku carefully scooped them up and set them down near his blanketed legs. He reached for the first paper on the pile. The letter was dated at least two weeks back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dear Joshua,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The nightmares are getting worse. I can’t even sleep anymore because of them. This is your doing, isn’t it? Well, are you having fun toying with me? Does my pain bring you enjoyment, you goddamn sadist?...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neku skimmed the next few lines. “I hate you so much. You’ve ruined me. Because of you, I can’t even wipe my own ass or sleep. I would love nothing more than to get revenge on you fro what you did to me. God help you if I ever see you again. I’ll beat the shit out of you if I do. I hate you so much, I wish we never met, hell,</span>
  <em>
    <span> I wish you would just drop dead so I never have to think about you again</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I wish I killed you back then. Would have spared me the grief. You’ve caused me so much pain, I’m left with nothing but hate for you. Go to hell.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Reading the last few words made Neku’s stomach sink. The teen knew this was written in a fury of passion but </span>
  <em>
    <span>wow</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He contemplated if he should even bother going through the rest of the letters. Seeing as he still had over half an hour left, Neku decided </span>
  <em>
    <span>‘what the hell?’</span>
  </em>
  <span> He briefly skimmed over the next few letters. To say they ranged in tone would be an understatement. One letter would be cursing the day Joshua was born, the next would be begging for his embrace. Each letter progressively became more and more illegible. Neku was either still learning how to use his body again or he was high on painkillers. The teen was getting tired of this back and forth and was about to put the letters away entirely before one caught his eye. At the very bottom of the stack was a very peculiar note. It was hardly legible; the letters were scraggly and very faint. Neku stared at the page, trying to decipher what it meant. After some time, it hit him: this was the first letter of its kind. Neku was still adjusting in therapy and he remembered the physical therapist recommending he write letters to someone he missed. Usually, people would write to their families and whatnot, but on the ruled paper it read: </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Joshua,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I miss you</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”     </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Such a simple phrase suddenly held so much meaning and brought so much clarity to Neku. It all came flooding back to him. He remembered lying awake on sleepless nights thinking about Joshua. He remembered fantasizing about bumping into him on the streets. </span>
  <b>
    <em>He remembered why he didn’t pull the trigger. </em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <span> It was then a soft knock came from the door. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You ready, Neki?” Ms. Asumi’s voice rang from the other side as she opened the door, wheelchair in hand. With a light chuckle, he responded, “Ready as I’ll ever be.”      </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua’s eyes lazily wandered over the patches of flowers, his senses taking in the aroma of the area. Surprisingly, they weren’t plastic. He noted that the flowers were well taken care of, full of vibrancy and life. So gorgeous, he couldn’t stop admiring them. To think a dull bud bloomed into the beauty he saw in front of him. They reminded him of, well, </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Then again, everything did. It’s kind of funny, the person he thought would agree with him in his desire to destroy humanity ended up changing not only his mind, but him as a person. Admittedly, Joshua’s cockiness had taken a backseat these last few months, though his sarcasm never truly left him. He couldn’t even try and pretend to be a shell of the person he once was; hell, he hardly even recognized that person anymore. The Joshua he was two months ago felt like a distant stranger who temporarily possessed him for years. And so the Composer thought to himself in that moment, was this his true self? Was the person he was before just an act he wasn't aware of? A coping mechanism? Regardless, this realization was only brought about because of </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>...   </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because of…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because of…</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because of-</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <b>
    <em>Joshua?</em>
  </b>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The familiar voice stopped his train of thought dead in its tracks. No, it wasn’t just any voice he’d heard before. It was one he had heard countless times in his dreams. One he had tried to bury within the depths of his memory. One that had spoken words that had changed his entire viewpoint and life as he knew it. ‘No...It...It couldn’t be…!” Almost on instinct, the Composer turned to the direction of the voice. No amount of mental preparation could prepare him for what he saw before him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There he saw him. </span>
  <b>
    <em>Him</em>
  </b>
  <span>. His fiery orange locks, a pair of violet headphones resting on his collar bone, deep sapphire eyes peering at him. His arms that rested on the arm rest of the wheelchair were banaged with gauze that peered out from the dark blue hoodie that he wore over his scrubs. His legs were covered with a light grey blanket that looked soft to the touch. The steel of the wheels was shining brightly in the sunlight which also made his pale skin and eyes radiate with an almost glimmer. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s good to see you again, Josh.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Composer stood there. It was almost as if time had come to a stand still. It was him. It was really him. </span>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>It was Neku.</em>
  </b>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you going to just stand there and gock at me or are you going to say something?” Neku jabbed at the Composer, trying to conceal his own anxiety.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Josh?” Neku said with a hint of concern in his tone. “You’re…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was then Joshua noticed salty tears rolling down his cheeks.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh...wow, I- uh…” Josh fumbled with his words, despite his best attempts to look composed he couldn’t help but become unravelled before his former proxy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I...I just have something in my eye…” his shaky voice crackled as he attempted to justify while wiping away the tears only for more to come out.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“D-damn allergies…!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here, come here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua had looked up from his dampened sleeves to see Neku had wheeled himself closer to him and held his arms out, inviting for an embrace. Joshua could no longer control himself. Overcome with emotions, in a moment of submission, the Composer had dropped to his knees and buried his face in his former proxy’s lap. No words were spoken between the two - there was no need to. Neku’s hand went to tenderly stroke Joshua’s blond locks as he quietly sobbed into Neku’s lap. Other than the sound of gentle hiccups and the soft breeze blowing past the two, it was starkly quiet. But, with some hesitation, Neku broke the silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I missed you, Joshua,” Neku spoke tenderly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And after a moment of hesitation on Joshua’s part, he responded back,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I missed you too, Neku.”        </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Among the flowers and other fauna, the two males sat together. Joshua sat on the edge of a bench while Neku had pulled up next to him. Once the initial shock wore off, the two talked for what felt like hours about whatever topic came to mind at the moment. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You know, you’re a real asshat for not visiting me for two whole months.” Neku teased at his former partner. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You say that like you would have wanted to see me two months ago, plus, weren’t you in a coma for one of those months?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, well, a visit would have been nice. Just so I could know you still remembered me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua wasn’t about to confess to thinking about him everyday for the last two months. Quickly, he came up with a retort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, I’ll keep that in mind,” Joshua chuckled. “If you don’t mind me asking, what are all those bruises from? Are you getting into fist fights around the hospital?” he questioned, gesturing to the patches on Neku’s face and bandages on his arms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“These aren’t from you, if that's what you're asking,” Neku jested. “But to answer your question, physical therapy.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Physical therapy?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well yeah, I wasn’t going to be able to do cartwheels after coming out of a coma obviously. Especially after what happened…” Neku’s voice trailed off after realizing the rather touchy subject that had come up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a rather awkward silence between the two after that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re saying my change is because of the accident.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh? Who’s they?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Everyone. I guess there are cases of people’s personality changing after traumatic brain injuries.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I think I’ve heard of those before. Like Phineas Gage, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, guess I’m, like, reverse Phineas Gage,” Neku chuckled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I guess you are,” Josh responded with his own light laughter. “Although, I’m not sure if I like this new change…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh? Why’s that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I rather did enjoy watching you get so fired up when I teased you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t worry, that won’t change anytime soon. That would require you to stop being such an ass,” Neku huffled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, that’s good to hear.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Says the guy who was just sobbing into my lap a few minutes ago.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you talking about?” Joshua asked, feigning ignorance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t play dumb with me, smart ass!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I seriously don’t know what you’re going on about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine, whatever helps you sleep at night,” Neku sighed. “Anyway, you like music, right?”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua looked over with an exasperated look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, yeah dumb question, I know,” Neku begrudgingly admitted. “I just wanted to ask if you wanted to listen to some with me, since you’re here and all.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I drove all the way out here so you could subject me to shitty nightcore covers of the top 10 billboard hits?” Joshua poked at his former partner. “But seeing as I do feel </span>
  <em>
    <span>some</span>
  </em>
  <span> pity for you, I guess I’ll oblige.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You seriously think I listen to that? You really don’t know me at all. You ever listen to math rock?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Neku, music is so broad with so many subcategories. Although, I must admit, that’s one I have yet to fully indulge in.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here, let me play you a song, I think you’d like this one. It’s called ‘Sugar’.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel like I’ve heard of it before. Who’s it by?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mass of the fermenting dregs.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’ve heard of them before but I don’t think I’ve listened to that song.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here, let me play it for you,” Neku said as he reached into the pocket of his jacket for his phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You seriously expect us to sandwich our heads in between your headphones?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You seriously think I </span>
  <em>
    <span>only</span>
  </em>
  <span> have </span>
  <em>
    <span>one</span>
  </em>
  <span> pair of headphones?” Neku retorted back, pulling out his phone along with a pair of wired earbuds. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Honestly, I don’t know what I expected from you of all people.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up, asshat,” Neku exasperated as he unraveled the earbuds and plugged the jack into his phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Here.” Neku passed a bud to Joshua. Josh then promptly placed the bud in his right ear without question. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve been listening to this song over and over again for the last few months.” In a more hushed tone, Neku said to himself, “It makes me think of us…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh? What was that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I said I’ve been listening to this song over and over again for the last few months.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, after that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, look who’s playing dumb now~.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shut up, I didn’t say anything,” Neku huffed as he pressed the ‘OK’ button on his phone, starting the song. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The song started off with the sound of drums, creating a soothing beat. Not long after, the guitar was introduced, giving the song its melody. Almost telepathically, the pair closed their eyes, opting to focus on the music at hand rather than have their senses be distracted by the outside world as the second guitar started playing, kicking the song into full gear. As they knew it, reality started to slowly but surely melt away around them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>“Kimi no sei de yotte</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Chirakashita mono o</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Sonomama ni</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Katazukenai Baby</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Utomashii keredo</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Soba ni</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Boku ga matotta</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Kimi no shisen mo</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Karita kotoba mo</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Koko ni aru yo</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Koko ni aru n da</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Hontōha</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Amai dake no Sugar</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Doku sareteku Sugar</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Kimi no sei da nante</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <b>
    <em>Iwanaide yo Sugar</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>After a few minutes, the music started to fade out with the final guitar rift, the pair collectively took a deep breath and opened their eyes as they found themselves floating in reality again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You like it?” Neku asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well…” The Composer paused to compile his thoughts. “It wasn’t</span>
  <em>
    <span> terrible</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think that’s the closest I’m ever going to get to a compliment from you,” Neku sighed, “so I’ll take it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua replied with a small chuckle. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Josh?” Neku spoke up after a moment of reflection.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I...</span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m really glad I got to see you today</span>
  </em>
  <span>…I...</span>
  <b>
    <em>missed you alot</em>
  </b>
  <span>,” Neku confessed, facing away from his former partner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Huh?” Joshua questioned, making sure he was hearing Neku correctly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>You heard me…</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Neku replied with a slight smirk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before Josh could fumble out a response, his train of thought was interrupted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Phones! There you two are,”  a familiar man called out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two teens turned their attention towards him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mr. H!” Neku beamed as he greeted the man. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re looking well, Phones. Good to see you two are reconnecting alright.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I’m glad you two came today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Figured you we’re getting a little lonely after two months.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Honestly, not really, my parents visit me when they can. Plus, I got the okay to have non-relatives visit a month ago.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you’ve been seeing the others?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“During physical therapy, yeah. I guess they got omitted here after what happened.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two continued to talk, Joshua finding no valuable input to insert himself. It didn’t matter, merely being in each other's presence was cathartic enough. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hate to say it, Phones, but I think me and Josh should get going. There’s work to be done, y’know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh.” Neku’s tone trailed with apparent disappointment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But hey, it’s not like we’re not coming back. We’ll make sure to visit you again,” Sanae tried to reassure the teen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well… I look forward to that, then.” Neku smiled genuinely before glancing over at Joshua.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With a sigh, Joshua responded, “I guess that includes me, too.” It was obvious he was trying to feign annoyance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know, you don’t always have to come with me, Josh.” A mischievous glint shined in his sunglasses. “I can always just visit Phones by myself if it's such a bother to you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, it’s fine. After all, I’m sure Neku would have a hard time coping without me,” Joshua responded smugly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, wait,” Neku interjected, “weren’t you just crying-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Anyway, Sanae is right, we should get going,” Joshua interrupted abruptly, getting up quickly and grabbing Sanae's wrist and dragging him towards the exit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, alright. See you around Phones.” Sanae waved goodbye between chuckles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Drive safe!” Neku called back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua dragged Sanae, nearly completely red-faced. It wasn’t until they left the hospital and sat quietly in the car that Joshua broke the silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You planned this, didn’t you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There was no ‘friend in the hospital’, was there?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He said he wanted to see you,” the barista sighed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So you dragged me here against my will? You’re my subordinate, Sanae. Did you forget that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who said I did this as your subordinate?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Joshua’s interest peaked at this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you mean?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re more than the Composer, Josh. As much as I know you didn’t want to admit it, you missed him, didn’t you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W...well…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll admit, I shouldn’t have lied to you and I’m sorry for that-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s fine…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hm?” Sanae looked over to the brooding Composer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I said it’s fine.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you say so…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rest of the car ride was silent, no more words were exchanged between the two, none needed to be. Joshua had finally realized at that moment what Neku had truly done to him. Not only had he shifted his entire world view and perspective, but also his perspective on his own life. Maybe there was more to life than the Reapers’ Game. Maybe the people of Shibuya weren’t just faceless masses but instead individuals with their own dreams, experiences, and ideas. Maybe, even after all he’s done, Neku was capable of trusting him again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After all,</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>They were friends.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>FDJGFDHGJRKGHJKSDEGHJKGF IM GONNA SHIT MY PANTS ITS FINALLY DONE AFTER 2 YEARS ITS FINALLY DONE!!!!!!!!!!<br/>Thank you so much to everyone who left kudos and comments, your support means so much to me, and thank you for reading all the way through<br/>ALSO<br/>I highkey recommend listening to Sugar by mass of fermenting dregs if you want sone joshneku feels (also it's a good song)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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